LMM Project - Kilmeny of the Orchard

*I may have hated the book, but I adore this cover image!

Oh sad day…another bomb by LMM. I think this one is actually worse than Mistress Pat! I had been looking so forward to the day that the Kindred Spirits book club would finally get to Kilmeny of the Orchard. I believe it was the last full length novel by LMM I hadn’t read. I was also very intrigued to hear that it was told entirely from the male protagonist’s point of view. And, of course, I did have to read it. I am an obsessive completist and I wouldn’t have missed it even if I had known what horrors awaited me. The good news is this should be the last of the flops in this particular project.

I had a pretty good inkling that this was not going to go well from the very first pages when I guessed the entire plot based on one glaringly obvious unnecessary, bit of information. Okay, sure when you read or watch just about any romance you technically *know* how it’s all going to go - more often than not they overcome many odds and end blissfully together. And this isn’t really a problem if the *journey* is enjoyable vs. being trite, overwrought and completely vapid.

For example, I am not generally a fan of the Romantic Comedy genre of films because of its predictable formula, but there are some notable exceptions – Bringing Up Baby, When Harry Met Sally, Love Actually. In all of those cases you have a strong cast of dynamic, flawed, but ultimately lovable characters combined with an engaging story line to carry you to the inevitable happily ever after. In short you have to actually CARE! Eric is an unappealing composite of a romantic hero with less than zero personality to his name. And Kilmeny is beyond ridiculous – a mute completely shut off from society who somehow manages not to be completely ignorant and socially retarded. Their attraction felt very superficial. If I could actually believe in either of them I would hate them both and wish desperately for a tragic ending.

And the storyline requires the kind of suspension of belief that I am only willing to indulge in if I actually like or care about the protagonists. Kilmeny is mute – not for any medical reason – but because of some old melodramatic family scandal. Eric is a wealthy and handsome city boy who finds himself teaching at the provincial Prince Edward Island school as a favor to a friend – he’s just *that* nice. Life on the island is almost unbearable for poor cosmopolitan Eric until he stumbles upon mysterious Kilmeny playing her violin in an abandoned orchard. Eric, who has never felt attracted to a woman in his life thus far (okeedokee), thinks Kilmeny is the hottest babe he’s ever laid eyes on. He wants to be her friend (mmmhmmm, sure he does) and, oh for the love of Pete, their interactions are so patronizing and squirm worthy.

Ultimately Eric comes off as a super creep for finding Kilmeny’s lack of experience so appealing. And then there is poor Neil – the young farm hand who has loved Kilmeny for years. But…wait for it….he is part Italian and is therefore quite evil and completely unworthy of our care or sympathy. The whole story reflects outmoded and unappealing attitudes about gender, society, race, etc. BLAH!

Only recommend for wacky LMM completists like myself or fans of Harlequin romances – everyone else avoid like the plague!